alexseanchai | (no subject)

Select an exchange of dialogue from your story, and provide it at the start of the blog. Analyze that exchange, pointing out its weaknesses, and articulating why—precisely—those elements are weak. Revise the exchange to make it stronger. Finally, analyze the revised version to articulate why it is stronger; be specific and precise.

AAAAAA.

ETA: Actually no, on reread, this might be doable:

Paula herself looked tired but determined. "You two," she said to Matt and John. "Get out of here. Get out of my life and stay out—and I hope and pray that no one ever fucks you again, except each other if you get desperate."

Ruby laughed a hollow laugh. "Maybe not insult queerness in front of a couple queer women?" she suggested.

"Oops," said Paula to Ruby, face falling. "I'm sorry. I take it back. I hope no one at all ever fucks either of you—" She glared at Matt and John. "—ever again."

The first thing is absolutely what Paula wants to say to her ex and his creep buddy. But as Ruby points out, it is absolutely a homophobic thing to say. But at the same time, Ruby shouldn't be spoiling Paula's moment, and Ruby's interjection and Paula's emendation reduce the punch of the original version.