alexseanchai | (no subject)

(no subject)

Of all the BDSM fanfic in the world, why, why did the one to become a wildly successful origific novel have to be Fifty Shades?

Guess what the ladies at work have been talking about for the past twenty minutes. With much roaring laughter, because apparently it is greatly entertaining that only one of us has actually had sex involving bondage. ("It must be a Jersey thing.") I don't feel it necessary to mention to them that the main reason I haven't is I haven't had any sex, never mind a sexual relationship of enough duration and sufficient trust to explore anything I find sexy in fic.

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I find a good answer in those circumstances is 'I haven't yet'. That could mean 'i have been too busy doing other kinky things' or 'i haven't found anyone else who's up for it' or any number of other things!

Wish I'd thought of that when it came up.

Also good, in the context of 50 Shades: "I haven't met anyone I really wanted to tie up!" and watch them try to process the idea of fem!dom bondage.

Heheh.

BEST ANSWER EVAR.

Where do you want your Internets delivered? (And do you want it gagged, hooded, hogtied, or...)

I would not discuss my sex life with people I worked with if it were a typical office. I'd be afraid it would get me forced into counseling and my husband fired, because people at large just do not understand BDSM. ("He makes you call him WHAT?")

Of course, my last actual job-like thing, when I could have one, was writing about my sex life online, so that's rather different.

But fic is a bad bad thing to base one's sex life on, especially if you're trying BDSM. You can get yourself in seriously deep waters with no boat if you aren't extremely careful and don't have a basic knowledge of what you're getting into and exactly what your and your partner's boundaries are. A bit of spanking and roleplaying and tying up can lead to a sudden 180 into feeling like you're drowning in black water, and if you don't have all the rules clearly laid out beforehand, don't trust your partner completely, and your partner doesn't know what to do with the sudden out-of-nowhere hysterics... yeah.

*nods*

Which doesn't mean it makes a bad thing to base one's sex fantasies on, which one contemplates at length and with much checking of reference materials concerning the subject of each fantasy before attempting.

This is very true. There isn't anything that's bad to base one's sex fantasies on, imo. And I don't want to scare anyone off from being adventurous; 50 Shades just has me frightened. Because there are already so-called dominant men who are really abusers looking for women who are completely new to the scene and entering because of 50 Shades, which is not a BDSM romance. It's a typical 1970s woman reforms her rapist/abuser romance. Which is fine in fantasy, but now people are thinking that's how it works, and argh.

I used to feel really awkward about being a virgin and talking about it with co-workers when I was in college, but now it's just like, whatever. I just tell them I haven't met anyone I've liked enough to have sex with yet, which is the truth.

In the words of Cher Horowitz, "You see how picky I am about my shoes and they just go on my feet."

I've always thought that talking about sex at work was an odd thing in the first place. When I lived in Florida, a few women I worked with kept asking me how good my husband was. I told them I wasn't going to ask about their private lives, and that my mom taught me to keep certain things private. Nobody you work with needs to know what you do or don't do in your non-work-life, unless it's going to affect how you perform at work. Your love life or lack of one is not anyone's business.

Unless we choose to make it their business, yeah.

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