I'm gonna miss those laptop stickers

Got a barebones laptop and a replacement new SSD from the computer doctor. Installed Windows from recovery USB. Have begun process of making it a usable laptop.

Had previously booted this machine with a Linux USB in hopes of figuring out why the SSD wasn't registering as present. (Current best guess: previous laptop has acquired a hunger for hard drives. Thus, first sentence of post.) I am certain it was not then complaining of an absent or useless battery, and that its measuring wifi speeds in MB/s was not the exception…

Also it's using 2GB of its 4GB RAM. I have one Firefox tab open (why, idk, it isn't like it's actually trying to log me in like I said to), Windows Update downloading, and Task Manager and Malwarebytes Installer running. That's it. It'll fit 8GB RAM, and clearly I need to do that upgrade Soon, but like.

ETA 23:00: Malwarebytes wanted a restart to finish installing. I restarted. Malwarebytes is not now installed. Malwarebytes Installer errors out when I reattempt the install. Windows Update errors when I restarted and apparently now has to download everything fresh.

23:15: …Malwarebytes just opened???